If you’ve landed on this post, you are most likely struggling to get your husband to help clean the house.
Let me tell you – you aren’t alone! This is a question I often get from many moms who enroll in my e-course, 30 Days to a Clean House. Let’s face it, nobody likes to clean the house, but it needs to get done. And when you are a mom of little kids with a ton of chores that need to be done, it can all get very overwhelming. But for some reason, the men in our lives just don’t seem to get it.
So, how do we change that? What can we do to get our husbands to help keep the house clean?
To be fair, there’s no magic formula that will work for everyone. Because people are complex. Relationships are complex. But there are a lot of things that you can try out and see what works for you.
But, If you have tried everything and still haven’t succeeded in getting get your husband to help clean the house, try using the sneaky (a good kind of sneaky 
) G.E.T approach. It really works in most cases!
There are several conventional ways to get your husband to help clean the house
- Offer Incentives – Some men are like overgrown kids. Give them a great incentive and they will work for it. If your husband is like this, offering them a reward when they help clean the house can help get them to work.
- Talk it out – Explain to your husband that it’s only fair that he/she should help with the house work. Cleaning the house is joint responsibility. Divide the tasks equally among yourselves or better still, clean the house together.
- Ask Nicely – When one partner does all the work, it is very easy to get resentful. This might make you angry and you will automatically snap at your spouse for hot helping out. However, this will only make your partner more defensive. Instead, keep your calm and try asking nicely.
- Put it on paper – Some people need a list in order to get things done. If your spouse belongs to this category, make a list of tasks to be done so that he knows what you expect of him.
- Be fair – Don’t dump everything on him. If your husband feels that you are giving him extra work while you do the easy tasks, he will feel resentful.
- Be flexible and accommodating – If your husband is helping you clean the house, just thank your lucky stars and don’t hound the guy. Let him do things his way and don’t expect him to be you!
Sometimes, however, none of these things work. I tried them all – but they would only work for a while and then my husband would go back to dodging chores, knowing well that if he didn’t do something, I would end up doing it myself! After a while, however, I got fed up and decided that if he wasn’t going to do it, I wouldn’t do it either – BIG MISTAKE. The mess began to pile up and eventually got to me! I just couldn’t take it anymore! And annoyingly enough, it didn’t seem to bother my husband at all!
Eventually, I left the man alone and just did whatever I could, myself. Having a clean house was important to me and I needed to clean my house in order to function at my best. So, I got back to my routines and schedules and soon things were under control again. For months, I maintained the house and kept it clean and organized and my husband and I both experienced the benefits of having a clean and organized home – Important things didn’t go missing, stuff was easy to find, we felt relaxed and calm.
And then one day, my husband messed up our nicely organized stationery drawer!! Needless to say, I was extremely upset. But, I knew a confrontation would only lead to a fight. So, I took in a couple of deep breaths and left it as it was . The next day when my husband went to the drawer to find a stapler, he couldn’t find it! Duhh… He grumbled as he rummaged through the drawer to find it, while I silently watched and practiced deep breathing! lol. Imagine my surprise a couple of days later, when I went to get the ruler for a craft project, and I found our stationary drawer back in order again!
That’s when it hit me – the reason why the mess didn’t bother my husband before was because he was so used to it and he hadn’t experienced the joy, benefit and comfort of having a clean and organized house!
If you too have tried everything and failed, here’s how to get your husband to clean the house, using the G.E.T approach
Step 1: GIVE without expecting anything in return.
Clean the house and keep it clean, tidy and organized even if you have e to do it all by yourself. Just remember that you are doing this for yourself . Don’t expect anything from your husband.
When you do this, your husband will be more likely to understand and experience the benefits of a clean house and slowly he will get addicted to having a clean and organized house.
Step 2: Enlist his help
If you are lucky, your husband will automatically help keep the place clean and tidy, simply because he enjoys the benefits of a clean house. If that doesn’t happen, now is a good time to sit down and have a talk and enlist his help in cleaning the house. Explain to him that if you have to clean the house all by yourself forever, it’s eventually going to go back to being a mess because you will get burnt out. He will be more likely to understand where you are coming from now than before.
Step 3: TAKE what he’s willing to offer
When your husband agrees to help out, be patient, understanding and fair. For now, just let him do what he is willing to do. Don’t over burden him with too much all at once. If there are certain chores that he hates doing, let it go for now. For the chores that both of you hate doing, maybe you can do them together or take turns doing them.
Well, that’s all from me. If nothing else has worked, I hope that the G.E.T strategy will help you get your husband to help clean the house. After all, house cleaning is a joint responsibility. 🙂
Do you have any tips to share on how you get your husband to help clean the house? Do share them with us in the comments below.
– Kimberly.
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I’d love to know from you
Does your husband help clean the house? Do you have any tips to share with us? We’d love it if you would share your experiences in the comments below – You never know who might find it useful. 
Random, but in convents and monestaries, all the nuns/monks rotate chores. So no one gets “stuck” doing anything and everyone helps out equally. If there’s a job you dislike, you know it will be over soon in rotation.
And, like you said, do some jobs together. But rotate which part of the job you do.
If you have kids, I suggest including them in the rotation. Kids like being part of a family group, too – at least I did as a kid. Helping is one way to feel part of that group.
Or anyone relative or anyone else who lives in the house.
It makes it more of a “community” that way.
If there is something someone really can’t do, like mow the lawn due to allergies, then, yanno, excuse them from the rotation.
this should have a logic/reason appeal.
Also, I’d suggest working this out before getting married so you know what you’re getting into, lol.